Whypad?

(Coming soon.....)

Having missed the initial hail of iPad criticism, and currently in the backlash against iPad critics, this article is biding it's time until everyone has forgotten about the iPad in favour of some other non-story....No, seriously. It'll be here any day now.

Update on Sunday, June 13, 2010 at 11:02PM by Mutton Bunky

So. OK. I reckon that's long enough. Everyone who really, really wants to has bought, fondled, or vomited on the Brand New Device, or possibly completely ignored it. Now that, as a subject, the Magical Tablet of the Future has really been done to death, it is my turn.

First, a confession. I did, for a split second, consider buying one. Despite everything I am about to say (type), the physical item has a strong lure. It is, from a scifi nerd-type technojoy perspective, beautiful. When I first picked one up, I had a sense that the future, or at least my future, contained hyperbole. And this beautiful device, with its Star-Trekesque lines and mind-blowing screen, is probably the most attractive device ever built. Sony, Bang and Olufson, Christopher Wren, Versace, your boys took a hell of a beating. I mean, damn, it is an attractive slab of silicon.

Right. that over with, let's get down to the nitty gritty.

Why you shouldn't, for a second, seriously consider an iPad

1. The Hardware. No USB support. Not a biggy on its own, but in a device that lacks a camera, built in keyboard, printer etc, it's annoying. The part that sticks in the craw, though, is the reason. USB support, and you might, conceivably, use your own broadband stick with it, rather than paying a £100 premium for the 3G version. The slab is pretty, and the screen is nice, but as an e-reader it isn't as comfortable as electronic ink, and ultimately, the cost of the stuff in the box is way more than similar quality components cost in other devices.

2. The software. No multi-tasking. No cross-platform development. No flash. No Skype (see no camera). The file-transfer issues that the iPad causes through a unique file management system, combined with its seriously locked down program permissions make it near unusable as a serious tool, rather than a toy.

3. i-Tunes. This has been done to death elsewhere, and everyone knows how bad this can be, so I'll leave it there.

4. Steve Jobs and Apple. From being the slightly pretentious underdog, to the evil corporation is a hackneyed plotline, but nevertheless...

David Mitchell has written a good piece on this, and so have many others, but there's a dimension I haven't seen elsewhere. I don't have a massive passion for Microsoft, but they give me products that pretty much do what I want. Apple seem to give customers products that do what Apple want. They trade on a fanbase, rather than selling on the basis of style or substance, they don't make products for the customer, and this hubris makes me vexed.

Digressing for a moment, I want to talk about cliquiness. OK, it isn't that much of a digression, but hear me out. There is something nice about belonging. The cameraderie, the in-jokes, and all that jazz. If you aren't part of the clique, then there may be envy, but mostly, you have a sense of being excluded, deliberately, and arbitrarily. Apple, with their 'new' business model, have forced people out by being over-priced, under-useful, and effectively fashion items rather than tools, and this is a shame. The iPad is a beautiful toy, but Apple have chosen to keep it a toy, and restrict it to a certain income band, and ultimately, exclude people like me, who actually have to justify a £700 spend to themself, rather than splash out on a whim.

I want an iPad, when it's made by Samsung, or Sony, or even Google, and runs Android, or Ubuntu, or even Windows. At least then it will be more than just a pretty DRM box.